Last night, my good Sir and I needed to have a serious discussion. I’d raised the fact that I’d had some dark and nefarious thoughts and the fact that I felt like a freak because he wasn’t particularly interested in them. I could see in his face that he was incredibly anxious and he admitted to me that he didn’t feel like he was enough for me.
My Wolfie, my “Ten Shades” was raised to be a good man, a kind man. His father raised him not to hit women and his family raised him in the Salvation Army, so anything less than proper Christian values wouldn’t do. Not long after the passing of his mother, he changed.
Wolfie has always been a very anxious person. Even if he amazes me, he gets stuck in his head a lot more than most people probably think. He needs reassurance and convincing a lot, and the only person he trusts to do that is me. Because of his anxiety, he also doesn’t believe in his Dominant side, and so he also worries a lot about failing me.
“I love you, and I love that side of you” I said reassuringly.
“I just think that it scares you, too.”
He smiled weakly.
One thing led to another and his mood changed. Gone was the anxious young man, I’d ignited something in him. He wanted to show me, to prove to me, to remind me,
There he is!
Last night was very impromptu. It was rough. ready and unabashed and yet somehow, it was perfect. I had no time to fret about music or candles or tidiness, it was now and in the moment. I think all of our floggers got an outing, as did the riding crop after I stupidly dubbed him a “one-trick pony”. Sir most definitely is not a one-trick pony, He is a big fat meanie- That riding crop stings!
Sore, tired and thoroughly satisfied, I smiled to myself.
“What?” he asked.
“I think I’m going to rename you” I said sleepily.
“Go on?” he said, his tone was a warning, a threatening reminder of what had just been.
“Eleven Shades” I giggled.