TMI Tuesday – 15th December 2020

Good evvening lovelies,

It’s extremely late here and I am horrifically behind with this post. Today has been one of those days where everything that could go wrong, has.

It started out with settling an alarm for 7am. I was meant to do another not-exactly-legal shopping trip with my Mum at 9:30am with view to buying 3 weeks of groceries so I can hunker down now until the New Year, but my alarm didn’t go off and I waay overslept. Now, fortunately, because of years of practice from narrowly getting caught snoozing, this girl is used to barrel-rolling my ass out of bed, grabbing some clean kit and being out of the door in a matter of minutes when the excrement hits the fan. I fixed up my hair and wound down the window slightly and by the time we reached ASDA, I was pretty much wide awake.

In the store, I forgot about the handheld scanner things they have available, so I asked my Mum if I should be using them. She said something about being registered and how it does speed things up. The machine recognised my mobile number and email and hey presto, a console became available for me. I could now go around the store, picking up items, scanning them and popping them in my trollry, easy!

Ish.

I mentioned in yesterday’s post how people are now ignoring the tules, but in the store, people were gathering in huddles for a chat, and quite often, they would gather exactly where I wanted to be. On the occasions when I stood back and tried to keep social distancing, I found that another person would get into the space. When I stood back to look for a product away from everyone else, somebody would jump right on in. I even got a passive-aggressive “I’m just waiting to get there” when I was browsing the spices. I felt so awkward, I made way for her to go first so I could reprlendish my spice rack in peace.

It took me two hours to do my grocery shopping, to avoid all of the aisle blocks and people emerging randomly from the aisles, but with my shopping finished, I was finally able to pay up.

I got subjected to one of the “quality checks” before I could check out. Quality checks that, I’m now sure, are really to make sure you’re not stealing. They scan 24 items to check they come up as having been checked out on the system, no big deal,

Until the 23rd item, a measly 59p jar of crushed chillies, didn’t make the scanner chirp when she scanned them in. In all of the granny-dodging and weaving my way through the crowds, I had somehow missed them out.

Suddenly, the assistant is on her earpiece and calling through about having to do a “quality check”. I’m at the centre of all of this activity and I felt like a criminal. All of my groceries, one by one, were removed from my trolley, scanned by the assistant and placed into a new, empty trolley. She then had to scan a QR code so that I could pay up. There was no social distancing, I wasn’t allowed to move. To them, I was a potential shoplifter.

To make it worse and even in spite of that humiliating experience, the alarms still went off and as is typical, even more people looked at me, though I was quickly ushered through by the assistant. When I got to the doors, the alarms went off again. Having seen how long my £192 grocery shopping receipt was, the security guard decided to let me go.

I’ve spent most of today trying to get over the ordeal and fight a whole bunch of food into my cupboards, but that’s okay, I’m now fully stocked and ready to survive it out through Christmas and Nee Year, all the way up to 2nd January. There’ll be no post-Christmas panic buying, not for this girl. I’m far too organised for my own good sometimes.

But you can forgive me if I’m answering today’s questions with a rather large glass of red.

A very large glass, I should say.

Alright, onto the questions.

1. Agree or Disagree. If people want to have more than one spouse they should be allowed to do that.

Absolutely, I have no qualms with polyandry or polygamy at all. In some cultures, it can even relieve the pressures of childcare and home maintenance, so it can work for the greater good. I definitely think it needs to come from a place of equality and love, not cultural or religious practices. It should be something we can accept, not something that only some people do because of their beliefs.

2. Do you believe in ethical non-monogamy? 

100%, and I believe anyone who has an issue should kindly butt out and mind their own. We all make decisions in life, some immoral, some even illegal, but that we also know we can get away with. As it stands, polyamory is not illegal, but whacking your partner for having another partner is. I firmly believe that with trust and communication, ethical polyamory can work very well, and all while hopefully avoiding any unnecessary assault charges.

3. Is polyamory something you want?

Yes and no, the poll is still out on that one. I don’t say it’s something that I want, in that I don’t want to be able to go around and go “I love you, and you, and you.. “. but it’s something that I at least want to be able to be open to, to exploring and experiencing. I’m just one big bundle of love, humour and naughtiness, me. It’s probably far too much for one person to have all to themselves, no matter how much they might try.

4. Do you wish that your ethical non-monogamy was a societal/cultural norm? 

The norm? No. Accepted, yes. I grew up with non-monogamous parents so for me, non-monogamy is normal and in some cases, it can even work extremely well (I can sill remember P, my Mum’s other partner, whisking me up to my grandparents’ house during one family emergency). The reasons for non-monogamy are not necessarily always about sex. People might choose non-monogamy because three close friends developed strong feelings for one another that aren’t sexual at all. It’s fine to not like something, but I firmly believe we shouldn’t condemn someone to the gates of hell for living a life we don’t agree with, and choosing to live a life differently to what we do. Non-monogamy doesn’t make someone a bad person, how they treat their partners and other people will determine that outcome.

5. If you are in or have been in an open sexual relationship, what are the best bits? 

It wasn’t physically sexual, but my former partner, T, knew all of my fantasies and that was incredible. I have a very strong inclination towards a sort of medical/mad scientist kink and he didn’t judge me one bit for it, whereas it’s not something that my husband is into. We video called one day and he commented on the washing line post in the background behind me, and he started joking about tying me to it and how he would then be able to do anything he wanted to me. After that, I couldn’t go down the garden without it haunting me. He threatened to inject me and all sorts if I didn’t behave and I can just remember the calm, quiet, helpless feeling that he used to be able to bring over me. It sounds mad, but it was beautiful because I also knew he had my best intentions at heart. He also used to set me dozens of non-sexual tasks and encourage me to push myself when I went swimming, which was amazing because I used to get out of the water and feel proud of myself, as well as proud for him. It was the closest thing that I have probably ever come close to true and complete submission and it was an incredible feeling. I was untouchable because I knew that there would be two very angry men if anything happened to me, I was loved and protected and I knew that in my heart. Less pleasant comments from other people bothered me less, because I knew I was loved elsewhere. I’d look at myself in the mirror and feel happy and safe because I knew that I was cherished by not one but two men, who both bought out the best in me for very different reasons. I’ve not felt like that since, though I’ve come close once or twice.

Bonus: Describe what your ideal intimate and/or sexual relationship would look like today.

I think an open marriage would suit me well. I’ve only got to get a whiff of a man being a Dominant and I’ve drawn a ring around him to keep my eye on him. It probably won’t go anywhere, but my heart can’t help but stay open to the idea. I think after T, I’ve yearned for that feeling again. I have a great sexual relationship with Matt, but he’s not into BDSM in the same way that I am and I crave to explore, rather than just fuck. I miss submission outside of the bedroom rather than just in it, but I’m also not so desperate that just anyone will do. One of my biggest fears is having a partner who wants to rob me of my sense of humour and punish me for every micro-transgression. I am, as we all know, a very cheeky and playful person and for me, anyone who comes to me as another partner has to accept and even love that about me. They have to love me as a submissive who is quick-witted, stubborn, moderately argumentative, sometimes highly infuriating (and occasionally darn right stupid) and above all else. extremely passionate. They have to be able to understand my passions and goals and want to take that on without trying to throw me around or beat me into submission and if they can’t, it probably isn’t going to work. I know my worth, and I’m not going to give it to just anyone who thinks to call themselves a Dominant. In a really, really ideal world, having a Dominant partner who gets along well with my husband would be heavenly, just because his approval matters most to me.

Don’t forget, if you want to take part, you can fin TMI Tuesday’s blog here.

Until next time,

Stay safe & have fun,

Helen xx

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