TMI Tuesday, 09th February 2021: If, Ands, and Butts – Helen Answers

Good afternoon lovelies,

Oof! What a day it’s been. You know those days when you decide you’re just going to get up and go and go and go until you pop? Yep, that’s been me today! I’m really proud of myself though, because apart from a bit around the lounge, this home is looking pretty spick and span. Of course, it would be only right for a girl to take a tea break to answer today’s questions 😉

What Is TMI Tuesday?

TMI Tuesday is a series of questions generated by TMI Tuesday Blog. It is a great way to meet other bloggers and to share some thoughts and experiences. It is important to remember that there are no right or wrong answers to these questions, only the answers of the author –  and that’s part of what makes this tag so awesome! 

How to play TMI Tuesday

Copy the TMI Tuesday questions below to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Send Us Your Questions!

Do you have something you’ve been itching to ask? Maybe something food-related, something a little bit kinky or something completely random? Have fun with it, then be sure to check back next Tuesday for our answers!

Your questions will be answered by BOTH of us, unless addressed otherwise. You can leave your questions in the comments below or, if you prefer anonymity, you can email us at hello@twokinkycooks.com.

1. If you had a magic beauty wand, what would you give yourself?


a. Shinier hair, hands down.
b. Glowing, soft skin–pass the moisturizer dude.
c. Brighter eyes, with no crows feet—I want to look less tired.
d. Nada. I love what I’ve got.

I think for me, it would have to be b. , glowing skin. I have terrible skin, honestly, and it’s probably one of the reasons I post so few selfies. Growing up, I used to suffer with absolutely horrendous cystic acne. I tried every pill and potion the doctor suggested, but still it kept coming back. The only thing that has helped, and much to my husband’s delight, is the mini-pill. Even then though, my skin still isn’t perfect!

2. If you were spring cleaning your life what five things would you throw out?

My husb.. no, I suppose he can stay, even if he periodically skirts around tricky situations and questions 😉 That’s actually an incredibly hard question because I’m a minimalist anyway, so if it’s not serving me function then I either stick it on Ebay (or Olio) or I yeet it in the bin, I just don’t keep stuff hanging around that I don’t or won’t use. Can it be non-physical things, too? In which case that’s a lot easier: Stress, regret, grief, the high calories in good quality chocolate, and lockdown! Actually change that, Covid-19, because then we wouldn’t need lockdown.

How’s that?

3. If money were no object, what kind of house would you buy?

Shit.. I meant to draw this when I read the questions last night, but for the sake of not embarrassing myself, it’s time to get imaginative here, guys. I want you to imagine a large stone farmhouse with a thatched roof and a wrought iron spiral staircase on the outside, leading from a door on the side upstairs, out into the garden. There is a porch at the front of the house with hanging baskets full of petunias, a small gravel courtyard wrapping around the house with a small patio and lawn at the rear. French doors out onto the garden from the dining room and a separate lounge with surround sound, a large fish tank and LED lighting, oh, and automatic curtains, because I am hopeless at remembering to draw them! There would also be a master bedroom, a guest bedroom and a small office on the first floor, though a small, hamlet-type separate building for guests is always another idea. Perhaps the biggest revelation? I wouldn’t have a Red Room or a dungeon, Matt and I are far too “ad-hoc” for that. I wouldn’t want a huge garden or team of housekeepers, either. I value my privacy, even if I blog about not-so-private stuff..

4. Have you ever visited an erotic massage parlor AND had a “happy ending”?

Umm.. 100% no, not my scene at all. I like forming connections and I’d feel really bad for the masseuse, having to do stuff like that for people to make ends meet. I’d probably just pay for a week’s shopping or rent for them so they don’t have to worry, at least for another week.

Bonus: Using the handy chart, what is your butt type, spanked or not?

Butts and Spanked Butts, by unknown, Dioneo Daspanca 2011

(click to enlarge)

Spankification: Author of original types of butts poster unknown.
Types of Spanked Butts by Dioneo Daspanca, 2011

I’m probably a ‘medium rear’ kind of gal. I have quite a round bum, and my good Sir definitely likes to flog it! I’m not hugely masochistic though and I don’t like deep red or bloodied, I also get bored easily, so impact play is fun but then I’ll probably want to move on to other things!

Alright lovelies, I hope you enjoyed today’s post. Don’t forget to check back again later to read more from my betrothed!

Until next time,

Stay safe & have fun,

Helen xx

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