What Has Cake Got To Do With Kinky Sex?

I’ve always been a metaphorical thinker, and that is something that my husband has always loved about me. I draw comparisons and analogies out of thin air, and I compare ploughing through my task list like items on a conveyor belt with a big wheel with paddles, actively pushing my completed items behind me. On the challenging days, that wheel is very stiff and almost doesn’t move at all. That’s okay, once those ‘sticky tasks’ are done, the wheel starts moving freely once more.

If you thought today’s post was going to be a hot and sexy talk about eating cake off of your partner’s body, I have some bad news: The cake in this post will be purely metaphorical. Sorry, Bake Off enthusiasts.

In the past, I’ve drawn comparisons between BDSM relationships and fields and I talked about how, when you build a footpath in your own field, then what that footpath looks like is all up to you. In a similar vein, when it comes to what happens what kind of sex you have, then that too is ultimately up to you and your partner.

Today, I’m going to be using cake to explain why some people are into BDSM and other people are not. I’m not going to use ;vanilla’ as an analogy sex without BDSM because of it’s negative connotations to meaning boring. Instead, we will use peanut butter cake to refer to sex without any props or costumes,

Over this past week, things have been a little bit heated on the home front. Whilst I’m into kinky sex, Matt just wasn’t quite understanding why non-kinky sex just wasn’t quite good enough for me.. We could have normal sex, right? Why didn’t I want normal sex? Why did it have to be kinky?

Readers, if I’m being honest with you, I find non-kinky sex boring and dull. It’s not just Matt, it would be that way with anyone.

In the wake of this morning, I looked up a popular resource available on Amazon, When Someone You Love Is Kinky.. The reviews are not stellar, and one even went so far as to ask “who in their right mind” would even be into these things. Yeouch, I really felt for her partner.

And now, enter the cake analogy.

I want you to answer this very simple question: What does the right kind of cake look like?

Well, what does the right cake look like? Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Is it the plain vanilla sponge with the dusting of conectionery sugar? That’s great, what about the people who want something fruity?

Is it the farmhouse cake, with it’s indulgent spices and dried fruits? Cool, but what about the people who wanted buttercream and sprinkles?

Ahh… the chocolate cake! That sounds great! But will there be caramel sauce or strawberries? No? That’s too bad…

Do you see where I’m going with this? Nobody can agree on what a perfect cake looks like, and just as similarly, what people like or want when it comes to sex will also be different.

Let’s look at this a different way:

Meet Bob and Susie. Bob likes Susie and peanut butter, Susie likes Bob, but prefers chocolate cake with strawberries. When Bob offers Susie some peanut butter cake, Susie declines. When Susie meets Jeff, she pairs off with Jeff, who also likes chocolate cake with strawberries. Bob is left on his own (Poor Bob).

For some couples, the difference is too much, and unfortunately for some kinky people, a relationship with a non-kinky person is sometimes incompatible. Just as nobody can tell you what kind of cake is the right cake, so nobody can tell you what is right for your romantically, either.

But what if there can be compromise? Let’s look at another scenario:

In this case, Bob still likes Susie and peanut butter, and Susie still likes Bob and strawberries. However, they both like chocolate cake, so when Bob makes a chocolate cake and offers some to Susie, Susie graciously accepts. The result? Romance blossoms over Bob’s chocolate cake!

When it comes to kink, sometimes it’s possible for both parties to reach a compromise that they can both be happy with. That’s not to say that it’s guaranteed, and it is really important to understand what your partner wants, what matters to them, and what they’re willing (or not willing) to forego is ultimately their choice. Just as nobody can tell you what is the right kind of cake for you, so nobody can (or indeed has the right to) tell you what is right for you in your romantic, kinky relationships. Not everybody likes peanut butter, and not everybody likes strawberries. If you can’t both agree on a chocolate cake, sometimes there is little choice but to split.

How To Find The Perfect Cake For You

if you’re both settled on a compromise, it’s time to work and find the ‘flavours’ that you both like. Maybe you won’t both settle on peanut butter or strawberries or chocolate, but maybe you’ll both settle on a farmhouse cake instead.

When it comes to BDSM, the best way to find what works for you is with a checklist. IF you worried, you can work through it individually, and discuss the points that stick.

Don’t forget, just as you can’t force someone to like strawberries, you can’t force anyone to be into your kink. You have chosen to compromise, and thst means neither of you forcing the other into anything. If your partner is willing enough to try a few new things, you need to be ready and willing to make your own exchanges, too. Could you settle for some vanilla sex as a compromise? A date night, perhaps? These are the convversations that you need to be having. Baking the perfect cake for you both takes time, and occasionally, you may even want to revise and update your whole recipe.

We hope this cake-and-kink analogy has helped you think about how you approach your BDSM relationships. Whilst we’re here, what is your favourite cake flavour, anyway? We’d love to hear in the comments!

Until next time,

Stay safe & have fun,

Helen & Matt xx

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