TMI Tuesday, 06th April 2021 – The Fertility Festival

Black and white photo of couple with a finger on their lips and faded black banner and white test reading TMI Tuesday

Hello Lovelies,

With Easter out of the way, what better than to celebrate by talking about what this festival was traditionally about? Sex and breeding! I jest of course, because it’s really about fertility, it’s just that on TMI Tuesday, there’s only one bit that anybody ever really cares about, so let’s get stuck in!

What Is TMI Tuesday?

TMI Tuesday is a series of questions generated by TMI Tuesday Blog. It is a great way to meet other bloggers and to share some thoughts and experiences. It is important to remember that there are no right or wrong answers to these questions, only the answers of the author –  and that’s part of what makes this tag so awesome! 

How To Play TMI Tuesday

Copy the TMI Tuesday questions below to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Send Us Your Questions!

Do you have something you’ve been itching to ask? Maybe something food-related, something a little bit kinky or something completely random? Have fun with it, then be sure to check back next Tuesday for our answers!
Your questions will be answered by BOTH of us, unless addressed otherwise. You can leave your questions in the comments below or, if you prefer anonymity, you can email us at hello@twokinkycooks.com.

1. What sexually could you NOT give up for 40 days and 40 nights of sex?

Helen: You know what? Keep the sex, just give me 40 days and 40 nights of kink, God that sounds like too much fun! I’ll be right back, I gotta go take a cold shower!

Matt: Blowjobs! All the blowjobs…

2. As the weather improves would you have sex outdoors? If yes, where?

Helen: I think we’d agree that, there’s this little woods near us and… you know, sometimes you gotta get off the old beaten dirt track, amirite? I do wind Matt up when we go for walks in the woods though, I’ll lean against a tree and say stuff like “I wonder if this tree could support my weight?” or “this looks like a sturdy tree for you to fuck me against”. It’s fun being a brat, I love being a brat and I will never, ever change. He wanted a challenge, and a challenge is what he gets!

Matt: Possibly, but it would have to be somewhere where there isn’t too much risk. Around here I think there’s far too much activity, and people know people. Besides, I wouldn’t want my hairy arse on national TV!

3. What is the most riskiest place you have had sex? And were you caught?

Helen: Not had sex, but I’ve given a blowjob and very nearly got caught by a dog walker and I’ve given a handjob and nearly got caught by a group of passing older men. Both times things were past the this-isn’t-what-it-looks-like stage, because it was very evident, if you will, that it was exactly what it looked like!

Matt: I nearly got caught by a dog walker whilst receiving a blowjob…

4. Ever mixed food and sex? If so what was it and was it pleasurable?

Helen: Ah no, and you know, this is actually something that squicks me. I think it goes back to a New Year’s Eve party, I think it was New Year’s Eve 2008, and Matt and I were at a then-friend’s house. We stayed overnight and planned to go home the next day, all is well. Well, some dick – who decided that night to hook up with the host and got masses of preferential treatment – decided it would be a fun idea to blast us and our sleeping bags with aerosol cream, which soured in the warmth of the room and Matt and I woke up on New Year’s Day to the smell of soured dairy, that did not end well! I think since then, I’ve just never wanted aerosol cream anywhere near my bedsheets. Also, I don’t like brown or red on my bedsheets as a rule, and brown and red are two popular dessert sauce colours. Lastly, sugars south of the border for me are a no-no. I take the mini-pill, and one of the unfortunate side-effects for me is that I develop yeast infections in a heartbeat. Best way to avoid that? You got it, keep sweet treats well away from my no-no places.

Matt: The only thing I can think of was somebody licking yogurt off of my cock. It was cold but incredible.

Helen: I had forgotten about that…

5. Ever used a sex toy for something totally non sexual or something totally non sexual as a sex toy?

Helen: Haha! I can answer yes to both of these. Firstly, I had a frozen shoulder that was really giving me some agro, so I thought, what works here? You got it, massage. You know what I grabbed? Yep, of course I went for the magic wand. Now don’t get me wrong, they were actually meant for deep tissue massage, so I kind of used a non sexual toy for a non-sexual purpose, that is sometimes sexual, but we all know here that no woman invests in a magic wand to relieve up a stiff neck or a frozen shoulder. As for the non-sexual thing? We have a metal back scratcher in our sensation play drawer and it’s bloody good fun – so sue me!

Matt: I can’t think of anything else to add.

Bonus:  German immigrants introduced the Easter rabbit, a symbol of fertility for the spring holiday.  This past Sunday, did anyone attempt to fertilize your eggs or did you attempt to fertilize someone’s eggs 😉

Helen: Haha… I invited it, but no. I even tried a “breed me, Daddy” to really spur him into action, still nothing. Gah!

Matt: Nope. I was working then I cooked Sunday dinner (I always cook Sunday dinners!) so I was pretty tired aferwards. I’ve got five days off as of Wednesday though so…

Helen: You’re going to help me with the garden, how very kind of you!

Alright lovelies, I hope you enjoyed our answers again this week. Don’t forget, if you have any questions you would like us to answer, send them on over and we’ll be sure to include them next week.

Until next time.

Stay safe & have fun,

Helen & Matt xx

Puppy Pic Of The Week

“Hey, Amazon? This isn’t what I ordered…”

5 thoughts on “TMI Tuesday, 06th April 2021 – The Fertility Festival

    1. Oh absolutely, it’s a nice park too and I used to have some photos up, but as the blog becomes more popular, I don’t want anyone working out where we live.

  1. Great answers
    Helen: quite the risk-taker, eh?

    Matt: The things she gets you into! ;-p

    Helen: “…I don’t like brown or red on my bedsheets as a rule, and brown and red are two popular dessert sauce colours.” You know, I never thought of it like that. Good point!

    Matt: What flavor? I guess that question is really for Helen. 😀

    Enjoy your five days off Matt. Helen I’m sure your garden will look lovely and maybe Hugo will help dig.

    -H

    Puppy swoon

    1. Oh quite. I never used to be, and yet as Madonna one sang, once you put your hand into the flame, you can never be the same 😉 I think any risks are worth taking, within reason.

      Oh quite, you know he was an innocent little choir boy before me? I’m such a terrible influence! 😜

      Re: Dessert sauces, once you see it you can’t un-see it. Fine on ice cream but definitely nowhere else!

      Flavour? Vanilla with dark chocolate sprinkles. Intentional? Would I ever… the really fun part was buying them for Matt’s lunches a few weeks later 😉

      Oh I don’t doubt Hugo will help dig. Ironically enough though, Hugo doesn’t dig mud, or even sand. His favourite surface to try and dig? Plastic. Go figure 😂

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